Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
