this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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