I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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