I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
