I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
