This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
