my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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