Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
