she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
