i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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