people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
