dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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