I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
