I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
