One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
