she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
