Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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