please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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