the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
