I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
