no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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