I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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