She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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