I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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