come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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