She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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