oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
did i just pee glitter
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
