You're earring is so big in my mouth
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
