I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
