Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
