I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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