He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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