is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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