apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
