Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
