he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I deserve this hangover.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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