Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
