Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
