If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Randomize
