I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
