just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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