Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
