oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
