ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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