Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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