New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize