Your face is a jimmy john
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
