Betty ford says i'm here all night
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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