so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
