I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
