cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
