id be glad to
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
