I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
