marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
pray to the hookup gods
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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