Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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