i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
