I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize