Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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