Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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