dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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