Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(361): View more from Texas

At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?

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(928): View more from Arizona

Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.

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(248): View more from Michigan

i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you

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(775): View more from Nevada

It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning

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(440): View more from Ohio

uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober

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(404): View more from Georgia

It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?

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(229): View more from Georgia

I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.

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