broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
