Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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