is wine microwaveable?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
