Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
