He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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