dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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