come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
