We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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