so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize