my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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