im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
