I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
